A worried pretender passes me by. [entries|friends|calendar] Oh, Sars! [ website | My Website ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Whatever It Takes by Sarah Angela R. Añonuevo [Monday, 13th April 2009 at 22.23] Our lives are defined by crossroads strategically strewn across our paths. They are strategic in the context that most of them come in enticing shapes, colours, and sizes with equally inviting and talented tempters littered along the gutter. They come just when the flesh is at its weakest. Choices are never easy; ideals are separated from reality; mistakes are highly likely; and regret is almost a guaranteed outcome. There is also a direct conflict between the mind and the heart where the mind says one thing while the heart screams the exact opposite, and we are left to pick up scattered gray pieces in between. Crossroads will shove, throw, and kick us into dark and twisted places we never thought we would be in before. We commit mistakes that we never thought we could and would make—not now, not ever, not in a million years. What is worse is that harsh realization usually comes too late, not a millisecond earlier when rectification is still possible. It is never gradual and can be likened to having ice water poured all over our faces during restful sleep, when we are totally unaware and blissful. It bites us in the arse, it stabs us in the back, and leaves the ugliest invisible scar that only we can see and feel—a constant reminder of our unforgivable sin. There is no rectification, only regret.   But the worst part is dragging neither ordinary people nor passers-by, but the undeserving individuals we supposedly would take bullets for down the wrong direction. And they are left to suffer the consequences of the burden we selfishly chose to carry. Almost instantly, we would feel synonyms of the words “unjust” and “unfair” raining down on us and all we really want is to grab the largest umbrella available to protect those who do not deserve to get soaked.  As we scramble over mountains and under deepest seas to find this fictional rain shade,  we are humbled by the people we hurt most as they are, more than anyone else, willing to stand under the heavy downpour with us. Every raindrop is a bullet shot right through their hearts—hearts that we were supposed to protect amongst all other earthly things; hearts that we were supposed to be loyal and truthful to; hearts that we realize we do not and probably never deserved. Yet, we habitually forget that these same hearts were created to be strong and pliable: even when they are bruised, crushed, and shattered beyond repair, they still hold that miraculous capacity to exude forgiveness and pump unconditional love. Heartache-to-heartache and heartbreak-to-heartbreak, they stand and withstand.   Then, there comes that crucial moment when all we can say is “I’m sorry,” yet we know it would not take away nor change anything. The damage has been done. At this point, apologies become lame excuses—primitive words that are thrown around so flippantly and so frequently, devoiding them of meaning. They are said as if read straight from a manuscript of a sappy movie that starts with “once upon a time” and ends with “happily ever after.” We fail to realize that the real magic and essence of these worn out words are, not in our ability to say them, but to explain exactly why they are being said. To ultimately cease pointing fingers at others, denying mistakes, pretending nothing happened, uttering futile excuses and, instead, accepting that which made us corrupt and its corresponding consequences whatever they may be; these constitute true unadulterated admission of guilt. Nevertheless, this genuine and wholehearted confession should not be the end, but only the beginning.   What comes next should hold more water. When we come close to losing that which makes us whole, unique, and complete, we do not stand around and let it happen. And we most definitely do not give up. Instead, we drop the universe, trash our pride and we prepare to do ONE thing that will prevent it from happening: gear up to do whatever it takes. It is that simple, really. Just do whatever it takes. In the end, regardless of whether or not we succeed, at the very least we know we did what we had to do and should have done. There may be no rectification, yes, but all the same, there will be no regrets. And if we are lucky enough to succeed, we obligate ourselves to wrap our arms tightly around that which makes us whole, unique, and complete, and we hold on for dear life. What we have in front of us may be the sole best thing that will ever happen in our senseless lives. Yes, there is no absolute guarantee that it will last forever or that it is the perfect match. But would we really choose to risk and gamble it all away for a fleeting moment of uncertainty and foolish passion?   Life is difficult and the roads that twine and intertwine around and through it are our Calvary. Mistakes are inevitable and are quite easy to commit. Moreover, they happen to the best of us, even when we think we are immune. It is all but ordinary for others, as well as the self, to be hurt when mistakes are made; yet it takes an extraordinary individual to take full responsibility and acceptance of such shortcomings. Still, the largest honour should be awarded to the innocent, deeply wounded individual who, in spite of everything, chooses to see beyond the thoughtless and rash blunders, with unconditional love and reprieve; the one who generously bestows second-third-fourth chances where none should be given; the only individual who does whatever it takes to see and appreciate the beauty and truth in another’s imperfection and recklessness.      Ang tanong ng isa, “Sa lahat ng sakit na iyong natamo, hanggang saan mo pa kaya?” Isa lamang ang inisagot nya: “Hanggang dulo kakayanin ko pa.” A World of Fancy

Guilty until proven otherwise. [Monday, 16th March 2009 at 18.14] Well I, thought I knew you Thinking, that you were true Guess I, I couldn't trust Called your bluff, time is up 'Cause I've had enough You were, there by my side Always, down for the ride But your, joy ride just came down in flames 'Cause your greed sold me out of shame After all of the *scheming* and cheating You probably think that I hold resentment for you But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong 'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through So I wanna say thank you, cause it... Makes me that much stronger Makes me work a little bit harder It makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter Made me learn a little bit faster Made my skin a little bit thicker Makes me that much smarter So thanks for making me a fighter Never, saw it coming All of, your backstabbing Just so, you could cash in On a good thing before I realized your game I heard, you're going around Playing, the victim now But don't, even begin Feeling I'm the one to blame 'Cause you dug your own grave After all of the fights and the lies cause you're wanted to haunt me But that won't work anymore Uh, no more, oh no, it's over 'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down So I wanna say thank you Makes me that much stronger Makes me work a little bit harder It makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter Made me learn a little bit faster Made my skin a little bit thicker Makes me that much smarter So thanks for making me a fighter How could this wo/man I thought I knew Turn out to be unjust, so cruel Could only see the good in you Pretended not to see the truth You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself Through living in denial But in the end you'll see You won't stop me I am a fighter and I I ain't goin' stop There is no turning back I've had enough Makes me that much stronger Makes me work a little bit harder It makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter Made me learn a little bit faster Made my skin a little bit thicker Makes me that much smarter So thanks for making me a fighter Thought I would forget But I, I remember I'll remember, I'll remember

[Sunday, 15th March 2009 at 8.38] The thing is, I don't pretend. I don't pretend that I like somebody when I don't. When I was courteous and nice and funny with you, I meant it. But "WAS" is the operative word of that sentence. I guess, this only means that I made a complete one-hundred-eighty-degree turn on you because you forced me to. Also, let me just add that I say what I want to say when I want to simply because when I don't, I feel like my chest is going to implode in on itself. I don't "keep things in;" it's not that healthy. And so when I say nothing, it can only mean three things: 1) Either there's nothing important to talk about, 2) I don't really care, and 3) it's a lost cause. Today, I think it's all of the above. Try not to assume that you know me because you don't. Try not to contain me in your definition. I'm much larger and more complex than that, thank you. This doesn't define me. I hope you won't let this define you.

Guilty until proven innocent. [Saturday, 7th March 2009 at 16.30] [ mood | angry ] I do not know you, but I promise, I will find you. I do not know why you're doing this to me--to us--but at this point, don't expect me to care. All my efforts will be poured into finding out who you are. Remember, you did this; I am merely defending who I am and how I was raised. Hindi kita inaano, tandaan mo yan. All the same, you did this. Who are you to distort, magnify, and fabricate my words and actions? YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. Wrong timing, wrong person, wrong situation. Every day, I am *thisclose* to finding you. Start running, sweetheart. Magtago ka na. Mabait akong kaibigan pero masama akong kaaway. Oh, and I invoke my right to freedom of expression.

[Sunday, 13th August 2006 at 17.43] # 2 Vivid Color.Vivid Colors. # A World of Fancy

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